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    InternetGeniusInternetGenius subscriber Posts: 2
    I think the site looks very clean and professional ...However, I agree with most of the other commenters before me.  Too many words on the home page and no clear "point of action" ... You have to think about what it is you want people to do when they come to the home page, and then make it SUPER EASY for them to find what they are looking for.  I think you need a "Sign Up Now" or "Get Started" button or graphic that is more prominent on the home page.  And you do need to make the text a little larger and maybe even darker.
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    jlbyersjlbyers subscriber Posts: 0
    Yowza, there is some critiqueing here that seems to be directly related to "personal somethings", not the website! (As in the comments regarding age vs. youth with the slight condescending attitude toward youth...didn`t seem to have much to do with the business, in my humble opinion but then again, I`m new here.)
    My first impression, hilarious and good design.  I`m 47 and a woman web designer.  The services were immediately apparent to me (in a whole bunch of places) and the navigation is clear.  The humor is good but does need to be toned down and strategically placed...business points come first, always.
    Two points to consider that haven`t been mentioned.  1)  It`s geared primarily toward guys and sweat (and some of the comments are right...parents want to think "sports sweat" and college students want to think of more interesting and fun ways to get sweaty...find the balance.)
    2) You need to look at the reluctance a college girl might have in giving some college guys her personal lingerie.  I shudder to think of the rumors that could happen (or that they might imagine if you get my drift.)  Emphasize discreet and delicate handling and personals and intimates somewhere (and DO you know how to handle blood, silk and other girl laundry problems the same way you know how to handle men`s boxer shorts?)
    And just how do you mention something like that on a website without offending sensibilities?  Something like "Student Suds understands the secret of keeping Victoria`s Secret items as fresh as the day you bought them" or something like that.  Women`s ad always use the words fresh and clean, men`s ads focus on manly and powerful.  There are reasons for those word choices with advertisers that have done millions in market research.
    But yes, in this McDonald`s and microwave generation, you really do have only a few seconds to grab attention on a website.  How about a compromise on the first page dilemma:  Why not several large points such as:

    Quality laundry services for busy college students
    Convenient, affordable plans for laundry & dry cleaning
    Clothing cleaned to your exact specifications and preferences
    Expert, professional and discreet employees
    Easy per semester or yearly payment plans
    Free weekly pickup and delivery
    More time to enjoy all that college life has to offer you
    Look good all the time for less than the price of a coffee and doughnut
    and THEN put some of your fun text underneath (scaled down) to use the humor to pull them in.  The slogan/tag line "Making ALL Students Freshmen" is great.  The simplifying your life part seems kind of obvious.  Pick a slogan and put it in bold text so you begin to build a brand identity.
    More details on the pricing...my first impression was "whoa, expensive" and you might lose a lot of visitors from those numbers.  You MUST put $239.99 PER SEMESTER or you`ll kill yourself out of the box.
    If I did my math right, it`s like $1.99 - $2.48 a day.  Market it that way because that`s a morning trip to Starbucks to keep good care of expensive clothes and THAT will appeal to parents and students alike...poor laundering can ruin expensive clothes in a heartbeat.  As in "clothes are too expensive to ruin when you`re sleep deprived during finals week, let us help you keep your investment as sharp as your grades!"  (i.e., go for the parental jugular if you will.)
    Yes, one size point up on the font...1 pt is too small for some and anything that irritates on the intro page loses you website visitors.  2 pt is pretty acceptable to most eyeballs.  Too large screams at people and too small forces people to work to hard to read....both irritate.
    I also would not repeat the description (like the sumo wrestler blurb) once they`ve clicked on the actual plan, no need to duplicate.  Just put the number of items and perhaps a tiny bit of copy that would indicate that the plan is perfect for their lifestyle (obviously, a bit different for each blurb but sell them a bit under each plan as to why they want to click that "buy now" button.)
    Bet you wish you`d never posted this by now...hahahaha
    Good luck, it`s a dynamite idea!
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    WebulantWebulant subscriber Posts: 0
    Good job with the site!  I think it will work well for you...with one problem.  As a previous poster briefly mentioned, your developer didn`t do anything for Search Engine Optimization.  Your Title Tags don`t do anything to help identify the site or it`s contents and your Keyword and Description Metatags are totally nonexistent....as in the developer put the Metatags there, but just left "" where there should be descriptions and keywords.  I`d definitely work on that if I were you.
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    fordc03fordc03 subscriber Posts: 0
    I appreciate the feedback. I am just a little confused as to what I should replace the homepage text with. About the services tab, I think I`ll be changing it to "Sign Up"
    Actually, I loved the copy...Was very interesting to me.  However...
    On your main page you should break out your text into some sections to help people`s eyes navigate your page:
    What is it?
    How it works?
    How to get it?
    I think you can use your current copy and instead of deleting, break it out into easier to read paragraphs.
    Services is okay, but it seems like you`re currently only selling one service, that is washing clothes...So, in that regard, you really should have an obvious place that people can click and Sign up for your service..OR, make it a little more catchy, like "Gotta have it now" button...I dunno, just some quick thoughts.
    I very much like your layout and coloring and everything else.  Just like everyone else has said, what you "REALLY" want people to do, regardless of everything that`s on there, is click the buy now button.   That`s the bottom line, and you`re going to want to steer people as fast as possible to that in the most clear and pleasant, entertaining, however you do it, just the most efficient way in to the "buy now" area. =)
    You may also think about under the paragraph section addressing the parents directly, "Parents read this!" and then put info about how the parents can pay for it and set the plan up for their kids.
    Hope my input helps...
    We don`t have a website up yet...we`re too busy designing everyone elses.
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    nevadasculnevadascul subscriber Posts: 3 Member
    Just my two cents worth. 
    I would rearange your text on the index page.  That`s because the average web surffer won`t read all the way to the bottom of the page to find out about your service. 
    Being a student is a blast. Parties, frats, sports, beer, new friends, late nights, late mornings, beer, beer, and laundry.
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    sonipittssonipitts subscriber Posts: 0
    Regarding "sweet and simple" and wondering if less copy is better - think Google. Less is definitely more. Especially with college kids. If they don`t have time to do their laundry, they don`t have time to wade through your copy. And , most likely, they won`t.Consider the following:GRAPHICLife`s too short to do your own laundry. We pick it up, sort it, wash or dry clean it to your specifications, fold it and return it in 48 hours, satisfaction guaranteed. No muss. No fuss. No pink socks.(Do My Laundry!)Parents - set up an pre-paid account for students here.
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    LJinSweetwaterLJinSweetwater subscriber Posts: 2
    I am a working single mom, with a son in college.  SO...I could easily be one of your potential clients.
    Yes, you want to appeal to both parents and students.  The photo and logo are fabulous.   The copy IS entertaining, and that`s good, but, remember, your customers are probably as busy as I am, and there is just way too much copy.  I got tired of reading it before I got to the bottom line.  Also, let me say, that I did NOT see the semester plan and yearly plan checkboxes on the right the first time through.  I did not know they were there until I read about them in the critques.  My first thought when I saw the prices was "OMG...NO WAY!  That CAN`T be for one load of laundry!!??"  I would put that where it is totally visible with the plan. 
    Light Plan  $239 / semester,  $469 / year
    Maybe this was explained in the copy, but, if so, it gets lost.  That little faded green box on the right will not stand out to all your customers, and you may lose some.  Also, when you say that you will pick the laundry up on a designated day, specify that this is weekly or bi-weekly or whatever...your customers should not have to wonder or assume anything.  Tuition, books, etc. are so expensive, let everyone know that this cool service is affordable with the first click!
    Best of Luck to you!
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    jarziumjarzium subscriber Posts: 0
    i like the current version of it.i think if your target group of customers is the students, then you should have something humorous and catchy. Which, you obviously have. the first line: `Being a student is a blast. Parties, frats, sports, beer, new friends, late nights, late mornings, beer, beer, and laundry.` is enough to captivate my attention to read the rest of the text. (and is the double beer on purpose?)keep up the good work!
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    brilie54brilie54 subscriber Posts: 4
    Hey guys,Thanks for all the great comments. I can`t respond to them all, but I have read each one and written down every single suggestion. I`m making a ton of changes based on the feedback from this forum. I eventually want to expand all over the country. My initial contacts, however, were at these particular schools. Keep up the great critiques, theyre greatly appreciated. Brian
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    BluPantherBluPanther subscriber Posts: 5
    Thanks for all the comments, really helpful. As far as moving the stuff on the right to another page, I don`t see the point of that. The entrepreneurs section is our entire basis for expansion and is a very important section for us. The list of schools we service is also important information, obviously.
    I think that should stay on the first page because budding entrepreneurs love to know right away that the possibility is there.  I hate looking for where the service is, so having it on the first page is invaluable.  Just my 2 cents.
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    brilie54brilie54 subscriber Posts: 4
    Have submitted my first round of revisions. Should go live either today or tomorrow. I`ll be asking for critique on my site again after this round, so I`ll post when the changes are live. Thanks again for everyone`s input. 
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    sonipittssonipitts subscriber Posts: 0
    Just one final [and egregiously windy] footnote regarding the concept of not wanting to "throw away" all that copy because you paid someone a lot to write it. The "Sunk Cost" argument is a common, and often fatal, logical fallacy. It`s the same mindset that keeps people in a job they hate, and that is killing them bit by bit every day, because they invested so much time and money into their degree. The reality is, if you keep using something that doesn`t work because it cost you money to get it, not only are you out the upfront costs, but it keeps right on costing you money for as long as you keep it around by failing to do its job or otherwise hindering your success.(Now, I`m not saying the copy you paid for is a loser - it could be pure gold for all I know. The only way to know that for sure would be a rigorous round of split testing or Taguchi testing. That`s not my point here. I`m speaking conceptually, not specifically.)The trick is to learn to look at things like the copy you paid for or the degree you got as raw material from which you can mine whatever nuggets you need, as needed - or even use simply as a source of inspiration - rather than as a single-purpose, one-shot instrument that has to either be used as intended or not at all. In mastering this reframing, you create a cross-pollination resource pool from which to build success rather than winding up with a toolkit full of uni-tasker widgets that can only meet a tightly specified range of needs. As an aside, as a copywriter I must admit that I cringe at the thought of some gorilla-handed client manhandling my painstakingly crafted gems of distilled brilliance. So, quite possibly, would yours. Tell us to suck it up and deal. It`s our job to give you what you ask for, and what you do after that is none of our beeswax, no matter how loudly we gnash our teeth. Ideally, copywriting would resemble the construction of a bespoke suit - you get the chance to know the intended wearer (website) of the suit (copy) and their needs (purpose, target market, layout, etc) so intimately that you know which side of the slacks to add extra ease into to account for the direction in which the customer "dresses" and to make the left cuff an inch larger to make room for the chunky watch he habitually wears. In reality, it usually ends up more like being handed a handful of swatches and told to construct a suit to fit a client (website) you`ve never seen and about whom you only have vague and usually contradictory descriptions, and whose dimensions, activities and purpose may change several times in the process (with or without your knowledge). Under these circumstances, copy - even custom created copy - is rarely a perfect fit off the rack. Adjustments need to be made...cuffs hemmed, shoulders padded, and so on. To avoid doing so because you`ve already paid for the suit is simply false economy.Just some random and well-intentioned advice. I wish you the best of luck with your site launch. I can`t wait to see how it goes.
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    JoyofPhotographyJoyofPhotography subscriber Posts: 2
    Very cool
    idea.  I like the website.  I found it very easy to maneuver
    but I`m a little lost....is it any college/university in any state?
      Also, anything over $100.00 was realllllly expensive to me when
    I was in college and I definately relate to the "sniff test" -
    sometimes even money for the laundrymat was expensive.  I think it
    would be great if you offered gift certificates....did I miss that?
      If I did, I apologize.  And if someone else already
    suggested it my apologies - I didn`t read the 6 pages of comments you
    received from everybody. 

    Good luck!!
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    HairConspiracyHairConspiracy subscriber Posts: 3
    Hi Brilie!
    I`m not sure if you have implemented changes to your site since posting your request but i love what i see, I think it great!  And as a mother of a child who will go to college in two years, I clearly understand your concept and content and would purchase your service.  My only question is, Who are you?  The "About" page is important to me when deciding to do business with someone online.  I want to see that the individual or company  is not hiding its identity.  I think your story is cleverly written but I still don`t know who are and would choose not to do business with your site for that reason. ~;o)
    Otherwise, great site and concept!!
    Bevla Reeves
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