Site just went live! Comments welcome

brilie54

I`m a young entrepreneur and am starting up a college laundry and dry cleaning business, called Student Suds. This fall, we`ll be servicing 6 schools and hoping to expand in future years. I put a lot of work into this web site and it finally went live early this week. The copy is geared towards a younger audience as well as the parents of college students. I tried to make it entertaining and funny. I wanted to avoid a `hard sell` and give customers a good feeling about our company. I also wanted to strike a balance between using `college humor` and also appealing to older parents of the college students, many of whom will pay for their child`s service. Anyway, please critique and comment! www.studentsuds.com
brilie542007-7-5 23:13:47

GCzene

What do I know? (Our site gets no calls).
My first impression is that your site is great! I get the idea right away with the suds in the logo and the student looking at his watch. Really neat.
The text is kind of long and you need to break it up a little with a few bolds or links or something.
I would like to see some really clear, true FAQ`s, like: how much is it? How OFTEN does pickup occur? What ifs?
cute, great idea. I`d target parents, too.

brilie54

I keep getting the question, `how much does it cost". If you go to the `services` tab, and then go into `laundry plans` you can view the different prices. However, the word `services` might not be the best way to advertise that that is where the prices are located. I might relabel that page as "Sign Up" so that people know this is where they can view that type of info. The only concern I have about the copy is that its a bit too goofy and loses the point. Do you think I`ve given enough of the benefits of the service? Do the jokes get in the way of the message?

brilie54

That`s interesting. I never even noticed that I do have a lot of copy. I went to great lengths to make the copy interesting, hired a really good and clever copywriter, so it would be painful to delete most of it. But, like you said, sometimes less is more. I`ll have to run that by a couple more people to get opinions. 

vwebworld

Exactly Craig! The site has more words than needed to communicate your message.
There are two distinct markets.. the student and the Moms (parents). For students, real simple what where how. For Moms why and how (more words is ok). Also, marketing to parents to purchase this is like buying the college meal plan. Or buy for your college man/woman so you`ll know at least smoething is getting washed (and you won`t be faced with bags of laundry the next home visit).
~Roland
 vwebworld2007-7-6 1:11:6

brilie54

Parents can sign up their kids using their credit card. I want to keep it so that all money is paid up front. But, parents can go to `services` then laundry plans, and purchase a plan for their kids. 

brilie54

I appreciate the feedback. I am just a little confused as to what I should replace the homepage text with. About the services tab, I think I`ll be changing it to "Sign Up"

brilie54

You think it should really be that simple? I`m new to the game, so I trust your judgment better than my own, but I feel like I should be giving a bit more info. Also, I don`t want to completely give up the `quirky` style that my website has. So, I`d like to keep some of the punchlines, just to give it some flavor.

Videography

I went to great lengths to make the copy interesting, hired a really good and clever copywriter, so it would be painful to delete most of it.
All of it.Delete all of it.The picture says it all, and all the copy that you need is: "We will collect, wash, dry and fold your laundry in a 48-hour
turnaround. And because we provide free pick up and delivery, you`ll
never even have to leave your dorm."Move the stuff on the right to another page.

GrillCharmer

Hi Brilie54!
CUTE CUTE CUTE logo and picture.  All these guys knows what they are talking about.  On my site (which I have not done the updates on as I`m waiting for other stuff to do 1 big ol`update) these guys said the same thing... SIMPLIFY and I can totally relate as to how painful it is to slash and burn such wonderful copy BUT...it`s so true!!!  I`m going to do the same thing and use some wonderful bullet points, more white space and K.I.S.S.  As much as I like to think people love to read the poetry that comes spewing from my fingertips...it`s just not going to hold clickers` attention long enough to convert to sales.  Very cool biz!

brilie54

Thanks for all the comments, really helpful. I`m going to replace the text on the homepage with some simple bullet points. I`ll post them for critique when I finish writing them and before I actually make the changes on the site. As far as moving the stuff on the right to another page, I don`t see the point of that. The entrepreneurs section is our entire basis for expansion and is a very important section for us. The list of schools we service is also important information, obviously.

Videography

As far as moving the stuff on the right to another page, I don`t see the point of that.
The point is that the photo and the caption are an amazingly powerful message by themselves.Yes, the schools served is important, as is the invitation to franchise and the details of the services.  But they don`t need to be on the front page to distract from that visual.  Just put nav buttons to "Locations" and "Services".  In locations you can solicit for franchises at unserved schools.Look at it this way, if you are successful, then the list of schools could dominate your front page.

brilie54

Craig,I do agree that it needs to be shortened and toned down a little bit, but that doesn`t mean you can`t build your company around a humorous and fun image. We aren`t the first company to do it, and we won`t be the last. Also, I`m only a year out of school, so I`m not an old guy trying to be `hip` with the young kids. How boring would advertising be if everyone just gave their pitch using the facts with no entertainment value?

Videography

Being a student is a blast: living on your own, making new friends, going to parties, and doing your own laundry. Doesn`t anyone study or do homework any more?I`ve noticed that the entire slant of your copy comes from the party animal point of view.  This could be a turn-off to the women, serious students who are at college to learn and especially to the parents who will decide if they want to pay for the service.As a parent, all I see is "Dad, pay for this laundry service so that I will have more time to party".I think it`s a great idea and a well done website without the wordy copy but you need to rethink who you are marketing to.

brilie54

I don`t think it would be very effective if I wrote "Being a student is a blast: doing homework, writing papers, studying for exams, spending nights in the library, and doing your own laundry." Which of these would be the punchline? But you obviously didn`t read the entire thing because it goes on to say:Being a student is a blast: living on your own, making new friends, going to parties, and doing your own laundry. Yes,
that`s the L word. We know, it`s a bit taboo. You don`t talk about it
in polite society, and you certainly don`t want to do it. That`s
why we`ll do it for you. So you can get out of the laundry room and
onto more productive stuff. Like studying, clubs, sports, and
hog-wrestling.I thought I struck a balance there between appealing to students and parents.
brilie542007-7-9 10:46:51

Videography

As I said, I am a parent and all I saw was: "Dad, pay for this laundry service so that I will have more time to party".