I Would Love to Have Your Input on this Press Release

cdbartwork

I would love to have your input on this press release before I send out...thank you all...
For Immediate Release


 

May starts national Skin Cancer/Melanoma Awareness Month campaign. Skin cancer is one of the most common types of cancer, with over one million people diagnosed each year!
 
Fast Facts About Skin Cancer;

Skin cancer and melanoma account for about 50% of all types of cancers diagnosed combined.
Skin cancer is one of the more preventable types of cancer
More than 90% of skin cancer is caused by excessive exposure to the sun
Each hour, 1 person dies from skin cancer

 
Award winning artist/designer, Colleen Dougherty Bronstein, has launched her new line of SunSafe Clothing. You can meet the artist at the upcoming Focus on Melanoma Conference, Friday, May 2, 2008 at the Hilton Hotel 4200 City Avenue  Philadelphia, PA 8:00am to 2:30pm. This event is sponsored by the University of Pennsylvania Abramson Cancer Center. Colleen will be on hand with her collection along with a brass sun necklace that is inscribed with a check up notation on the back.
 
The SunSafe Clothing line came about after the artist was diagnosed with malignant melanoma in August 1999 and needed to feel protected while swimming and sailing, which she loves. Colleen’s designs are distinctly different from the very generic, unisex styles on the market, in that they are designed with a feminine touch in beautiful colors. The fabric is 50+ UPF protection.
 
It is recommended that each person examine their skin monthly for skin abnormalities and have a clinical skin exam every year by a health care professional.
 
Colleen Dougherty Bronstein Designs supports The Mark Allen Friedman Foundation (melanoma), Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation  and will support The Danny Federici Melanoma Fund, once this fund has been established.
 
For media inquiries, please contact Colleen Dougherty Bronstein at 215-805-6002 or [email protected]

Innovator7

Too much self-promotion?
In typical PR, one sees some statements of significance by a key officer of the company.
If your PR sounds like an ad, editors rejects it fast, but their ad department will send your their media kit.

cdbartwork

That was my concern. I did try to fashion after another press release but the sample I was using may also have been too much self promotion. Back to the drawing board.
 
Thank you Innovator for your feedback, always appreciated.
 
Colleen

besthealth

I think you should connect with your project - do not delete too much about yourself. Your sponsors/supporters are all on board because of you and what you bring to the health concern. I wish you great success.............

studiocherie

Colleen,
 
I think all it needs is for you to add information about other people at the event.  Is there a speaker at the event that would be of interest to readers?  Are there other new products at the event?  As it is, it does look a little like an ad stuck onto some very good information.  If your focus is to inform about the event, then your information fits into it naturally.  What is the purpose of the event?  Is the public invited?  Why would they attend?  Is there a cost to attend? 
 
Hope that helps!

cdbartwork

besthealth:
 
Thank you.
 
Cherie:
 
Good points, I do have information on a guest speaker and I will add that information along with the public being invited at no charge other than a donation, if they chose.
 
Thank you, this is great advice.
 
Colleen