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Copywork help needed for eBay auction

HondoTechHondoTech subscriber Posts: 3
edited August 2006 in Thought Leadership
I am creating an eBay auction for some personalized wooden Angel christmas ornaments that will run through the end of the year.  Writing good copy is not a strongpoint of mine.  Here is what I have come up with so far, please feel free to comment and suggest any changes as you see fit. I do not know if the formatting/color is going to display well here:
Angel Ornaments
by
Ultimate Awards & Engraving
Looking for a unique personalized gift that is as special as the person that is going to receive it?
Our Angel ornaments can each be personalized with your message.
Each ornament measures approximately 3 3/4" high by approximately 2 1/2" wide, depending on the specific design you choose.  Your ornament will arrive in a red velvet gift bag.  Each ornament is adorned with a ribbon so that it is ready to hang on a christmas tree!
Here is a link to a page with some photos of the actual product
http://www.ultimateawards.net/angel/angel.html</A>
 
I am looking at a Buy It Now price of $7.00-$9.00.  Some input here as well would be most appreciated.
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    theswaynestertheswaynester subscriber Posts: 15 Bronze Level Member
    Hey there--I sent you a message with my shot at this.
    The Swaynester
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    HondoTechHondoTech subscriber Posts: 3
    Ooh you so get a 5 rating for that copy!
    Do you feel that the personalized ornament is worth the price?
    The link to the photos was for the forum`s benefit. the photos will be displayed inside the auction itself.
     
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    theswaynestertheswaynester subscriber Posts: 15 Bronze Level Member
    I`ve seen a lot of Christmas ornaments in the $15-20, so it seems OK to me.And those ornaments aren`t even personalized for the most part. 
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    HondoTechHondoTech subscriber Posts: 3
    We have the patterns to do well over 170 different signs, but we decided to focus on the angels for this christmas.
    Since you agree the price is a great bargain how many should I put ya down for to order?
     
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    theswaynestertheswaynester subscriber Posts: 15 Bronze Level Member
    I want a "Happy Festivus" ornament.
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    HondoTechHondoTech subscriber Posts: 3
    Thanks for the tips.  They are made out of Alder wood and personalized with a laser engraver.  It actually burns the wood at a very high resolution.  I dont think we are going to list the other designs inside the Angel auction. 
    I do want to run a 2nd auction with the different designs in it... I just havent figured out how to show EVERYTHING that we can do with them.
    Truth be told... we can take any vector image and turn it into an "ornament". Logos, sports, etc.
     
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    jcoffmanjcoffman subscriber Posts: 2
    give me a hollar if you need some more help, I know quite a few people who
    can help (help isn`t always free from them though) as I`m a Powerseller on
    eBay. but it looks good and I think your product will do well!
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    knockknockhloknockknockhlo subscriber Posts: 4 Member
    Hi ,
         If thats the whole description , thenn  sorry to say but it sucks , sorry buddy , but u asked for advice and thats my true advice , though i am also learning this thing , you can check out mine at www.writers.homestead.com/proposal.html</A>   and please rate mine also.
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    HondoTechHondoTech subscriber Posts: 3
    Here is the updated copy (no formatting):
    Angel Ornaments by Ultimate Awards & Engraving
    This year give that special someone in your life a gift that`s as unique as they are.
    Our wooden Angel ornaments, which you can personalize with your own message, are approximately 3 3/4" high and 2 1/2" wide (depending on the specific design you choose).Your ornament is adorned with a ribbon and ready to be hung on your Christmas tree!
    Kudos to theswaynester for the re-write of the ad.
    jcoffman, do you think the price at $8.00 is reasonable?
    knockknockhlo... You may want to run a spellcheck your link coz "coz:" aint a real word.  I imagine it will be real hard tying to sell someone your ability to write a competent sales letter when your own page is full of typos and gramatical errors.
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    knockknockhloknockknockhlo subscriber Posts: 4 Member
    Rite and i never said i am great copywriter and this sales letter is just 3 days old and i have to proofread it.But what i know even with that sales letter which i know got many mistakes , i got 70% response ,thats strange.well, strange for me.
     Anyway ,you just asked for comment
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    HondoTechHondoTech subscriber Posts: 3
    The auction is now up. Please take a peek and let me know what you think.
    ;item=190031152975&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT& amp;rd=1
     
    Thank you to everyone that helped with the copywork.
    ----
    I need to figure out a way to create a table with the photos in it so the auction page isnt so looong.
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    knockknockhloknockknockhlo subscriber Posts: 4 Member
    Well , this time auction looks great , i really want to appreciate photos. Photos are great and it seem like someone professional took these photos.From my experience ,  lengthy  auction description is good.Another thing which you can do is add animated fotos , well these days trend is to add video message , but your auction look fine.  
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