Crowdfunding Campaign Review

Hi, I'm putting together a crowdfunding campaign to help me build my planned business. It'll be done on indiegogo. I've written some of the copy, and made some images to go with it, but could really use some input on whether it's effective. Any tips on copy, images, or content would be very useful. Please note that I can't share the actual indiegogo page before it's published, so here's a link to an image file of the page (zoom in).
http://bit.ly/1nPAZTN
Thanks!
http://bit.ly/1nPAZTN
Thanks!
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