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Ladies: Take Care of YOU First in Your Business - $$$$

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  • DeniseMMDeniseMM subscriber Posts: 6
    CraigL wrote:
    (snip)  "My only point is that there`s NO difference between men and women, other than reproductive capacity and function. (snip)
    DMM:  You gotta be kidding, Craig!!!  Aw c`mon, you`re a lot smarter than that.  You`re still believing that feminist drivel from the 1980s and 90s that`s been proven untrue by study after study after study.  Oh maybe not, because the feminists have been pushing down that information for years now trying to maintain the politically correct status quo - even if it doesn`t represent the truth.
    I`m not saying I don`t appreciate what feminists did back in the days when women couldn`t get certain jobs, buy a house or other rights we take for granted now.  I`m 49 and I could tell you stories.  But to say the only differences are reproductive is to ignore reality and the significant science of the last ten years.  And I`m not saying that those differences make us better or worse - just different - and the differences are very significant. CraigL "I could care less if there have been billions of years of oppression toward women, men, geese, or feta cheese. What YOU are doing TODAY is what matters. If you feel oppressed, be independent and assertive, or as someone said, "Butch up!" If you feel there are stereotypes, don`t use them." (snip)
    DMM:  Yep, you`re absolutely right - because where you`re at right now - is where you`re at - you start from there.  Though, I`d like to see that oppression towards feta cheese.  
    To not take responsibility of course means to remain a victim.  I`m not suggesting that anyone stay in a victim role - because when you do that - you give your power away.  Not so good.  On the other hand to just say "Butch up!" is to oversimplify and diss the power of those feelings and emotions in a testosterone-heavy way.  And Craig, while I believe your intentions truly are good - it`s just not that helpful to affect real change for women who are feeling behind the 8-ball.  (That`s why the last chapter of my book is for men who want to be more supportive of the women in their lives - wives, girlfriends, sister, mom, business partner, friend - in a way that works for women.) 
    All the best,
    Denise Michaels, Author, "Testosterone-Free Marketing`
  • DeniseMMDeniseMM subscriber Posts: 6
    Erin wrote: 
    "Thank you for your post, it "spoke" to me. I also was not offended. I do not consider myself weak, sometimes folks take niceness for either stupidity or that they can walk all over you. I have been learning to create a line between niceness and firmness. I have had situations with men that you mentioned and women. I also have clients that respect that i run a business but when i get the folks that want free, free, free..i have sometimes felt uncomfortable and am learning to be more firm. I have been a success both personally and professionally but have always had issues with asking for payment. Thanks for your post it was appreciated:)."
    DMM:  Thanks for your kind words as they are greatly appreciated.  I`ve met a lot of women who are strong in a lot of ways.  They are strong partners to the people they love, they are strong when it comes to their family and home, they are strong when it comes to doing what they do  - and doing it well.  And they might be socially outgoing and friendly.  No wallflower here. 
    But doggone it there`s something about selling and marketing that makes them squidgy. 
    And it`s really important to have healthy boundaries.  You can be polite and pleasant and still hold your ground.
    Many many women grow up with a steady diet of hearing:
    *  Don`t toot your own horn
    *  Be a nice girl
    *  Let everyone else go first
    *  And for goodness sake - don`t call the boy.
    Last month I gave a talk in front of the Las Vegas Women`s Realtor Council - there were 150 women Realtors in attendance.  I asked them to put their hands up if they heard at least two of these statements growing up.  By the time I said all five - every hand in the room was up.
    The problem is when you start a business you`re told:
    *  You gotta toot your own horn
    *  You can`t take "no" for an answer
    *  You should position yourself as the expert or the authority
    *  You need to call, call, call.  Or connect, connect, connect - depending on the kind of business you have.
    Something feels "off" because in effect we`re being told that we basically have to be 180 degrees different from how we were raised and conditioned.  And it`s on an almost imperceptible level but many women have told me they feel like a brazen hussy, a barracuda and a b*tch trying to pick up the phone and call a lead they met a few days before at a networking meeting.  Of course - they were trained that nice girls don`t call.  What I do is help them learn to make different conscious choices rather than react from that automatic knee-jerk conditioning so they can do the the things that have felt uncomfortable - combined with good marketing strategy and tactics - so that they can have more fun, feel more confident and make a lot more money.
    Is it for everyone?  Of course not.  But there are women like Erin who connect with what I say - and manyothers - for whom it`s perfect.
    All the best,
    Denise Michaels, Author, "Testosterone-Free Marketing"
  • PokermanPokerman subscriber Posts: 5
    I actually read all 5 pages of this diatribe...
    First I think a better Topic Title would have been: 
    People: Take Care of YOU First in Your Business - $$$$
     The previous antecdote about the individual not making the paypal payment for your services leaves the impression that you assumed that he did it because you are a woman and that he wouldn`t have hesitated making the payment had you been a man.  Assuming is like stereotyping....
    Most purchases are made when a persons emotions take precedent over their logic.  I get the feeling that DMM works this approach.  "Ladies it`s not your fault you aren`t the success you should be - it`s because all men are hell bent on keeping you in a subservient role."  That ought to get the old emotional juices boiling.... please sign the contract where x marks the spot.
    And I agree with Nikole.... posting links to other boards that require you to register and login is just rude.
    But then again... I`m a man and the root of all evil.
    CraigL... I really gotta quit checking out your profile to see where you are currently posting.Pokerman2007-3-10 9:1:0
  • DeniseMMDeniseMM subscriber Posts: 6
    Boy Pokerman - you really didn`t read my posts.
    I don`t think men are "the enemy" at all.  If you read over my posts and the posts of most of the people who contributed to this thread - I don`t think there`s a single place where men are maligned.  Getting your exercize jumping to conclusions this morning?
    The instances I`m talking about (and after all these posts I find it surprising that you didn`t notice this) are instances where women hold themselves back.  We have met the enemy and she is us. 
    In the initial post Gil indeed didn`t pay me on time (and I know him well enough to know he has the money).  I`ll never know if it was a conscious or subconscious thing to try and slide on the payment - all I know is what happened.  I also know women in my teleclasses and the women I mentor - when someone really tries to dicker them down on their prices - the majority of the time - it`s likely to be a man.  I`m not blaming the men.  Go back to my original post on page one.  All they`re doing is making sure they get the best price possible.  It`s smart business - but I was suggesting that we shouldn`t cave in so fast in the interest of "being nice."  And in a later post I quote author Warren Farrell Ph.D. who suggest that women - who very often don`t negotiate - should learn to do so.
    Yes, there are rural pockets in this country where the old boys network still has a stronghold on business and women are shut out - but those areas are fewer and farther in-between.  I`m thinking of my friend Rebecca - a dynamic, very sharp woman who married a man last year who lives in rural Louisiana.  She`s going stir crazy with boredom and has been totally unable to break into business there - so she comes back to Las Vegas here - does a ton of business for a couple weeks - and then goes back to that sleepy berg down south.  (She claims the area is both sexist and racist and I hope she`s able to convince her new hubby to move here or at least another city.)
    To Craig:  The science about women using both sides of the brain is due to the differences in our brain connections and synapses.  The corpus callosum is a band of tissue between both hemispheres of the brain and in women it`s about 10% larger so there are more signals firing across the hemispheres.  Additionally science reveals that women have more connections within each hemisphere so there are more signals firing for women within each hemisphere, too.  So one attendee at a workshop summed it up by saying, "Oh, so our brains are like a bowl of pasta and theirs are more like an Eggo waffle."  Kinda.  The most obvious result of this is that women are better multi-taskers than men.  This has been proven in studies where women and men were given a bunch of different tasks to complete in a very limited time - and the women all completed them and the men did not.
    I recently heard someone say much younger men these days have picked up these multi-tasking abilities and have developed the ability to do so due to the crazy multi-demands of the world we live in and the more expanded roles of men at work and at home - so it certainly can be learned by men.  But in the past it wasn`t necessary so men didn`t learn it.  I haven`t seen any evidence that this is true yet - but I`m on the lookout.  An article.  A study.  Something.  People constantly send me info about differences between men and women - so I`m sure something will come to light eventually.
    Yes, obviously women have the ability to run an engineering firm or run a nation if they want to and develop the skills and experience.  The thing is many, many women were raised to be wives and moms and maybe employees but certainly not an out-there, confident business owner.  If you`re reading this and you were raised with that level of confidence and can-do spirit consider yourself fortunate.  There are millions of your sisters across the US and around the world that were not and so they have personal obstacles to overcome to get there.  It`s both nature and nurture and conditioning can be changed if a woman makes a conscious choice to do so - I`m simply providing a solution for those women who want to do so.
    All the best,
    Denise Michaels, Author, "Testosterone-Free Marketing"
    Get the book at http://www.tfmbook.com</A>  
  • DeniseMMDeniseMM subscriber Posts: 6
    Nikole:
    Start paying attention to marketing, advertising and selling in a more detached, Zen kind of way and you`ll see that much of it stems from the basic premise that people have problems and they are looking for solutions to those problems.
    It can be the problem of wanting whiter teeth and fresher breath, a faster internet connection, a better website, a more fit body.  None of those things would be necessary if people were not dis-satisfied with what they currently have. 
    Look at the commercials for Apple computers with the PC and the Mac guy.  They`re pointing out problems with PCs and particularly their newly launched operating system, Vista.  They`re doing it in an amusing way - but it`s still pointing out problems - and then offering solutions. 
    Problem - solution.  I`m not kicking anyone down - I`m empathizing with where they already happen to be.  And Nikole - you`re soooooo not there that you see it as kicking down.  Once again - it goes back to the fact that you don`t fit the profile of my ideal customer.  That`s why my words don`t resonate with you.
    I find it amazing - you don`t understand my customer, her issues and concerns, what I offer and the benefits - but you continue pushing me to change my copy to suit you - someone who is not my ideal customer. 
    All the best,
    Denise Michaels, Author, "Testosterone-Free Marketing"
  • rvdebbyrvdebby subscriber Posts: 11
    I hear you Nikole. Marketing is fascinating; the twist that we put on our words is powerful.
  • DeniseMMDeniseMM subscriber Posts: 6
    Nikole wrote:
    (snip) "(Most women`s fitness commercials are now about feeling fit and strong ... they don`t tell you that you are a fat slob and need a gym membership.)"  (snip)
    DMM:  Of course not but weight loss programs like NutraSystem, Jenny Craig and other diet products show both the "before" and "after" picture.  Because as much as the people who are overweight want the after  -  right now they relate to the before.  (I`ve lost a lot of weight in the last few years so I also have personal experience with this.)
    Gyms are a little different matter because they often attract more people who are not fat by any means - but they want to get even better.
    All the best,
    Denise Michaels, Author, "Testosterone-Free Marketing"
  • DeniseMMDeniseMM subscriber Posts: 6
    You`re hilarious, Craig. 
  • DeniseMMDeniseMM subscriber Posts: 6
    Hi Jeff:
    I apologize for that.  I think this was my third thread since I became a member at SuN less than a week now.  I wasn`t entirely sure where it belonged.  With subsequent threads I`m trying to put them in forums that make sense. 
    All the best,
    Denise Michaels, Author, `Testosterone-Free Marketing`
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