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Sales letter critique please

SERGIOSERGIO subscriber Posts: 16
edited June 2015 in Sales

Hello fellow sun members, back for another critique but this time it’s for my newly written Sales letter which I will be Mailing and E-mailing

some questions I’m looking to get answered are


Does it Feel like spam


If you where a Kansas business owner would this letter catch your interest


Are my promotions tempting         



Has the economy affected your businesses growth? It’s Time to fight back!

You have worked hard to get your business up and running, don’t let the economy stop your business from prospering. Now is the time to formulate an aggressive marketing strategy.  You need to insure that when Emporia shoppers looks for a certain service or product your business is the first they think about, because if it’s not your business it someone else’s.

My business is direct mail advertising; we mail out a 5.5x8.5 publication “Store Front Magazine” to the home owners of Emporia (8,000). Advertisers get a full page and color for their ads and you don’t have to purchase the mailing list. Advertisements are not cluttered together so your ad won’t go unnoticed.   

My website has additional information. The website also has a forum for Kansas business owners and business start ups. The forum is there for the Kansas business community from Emporia to Garden City. On the website you can also advertise your business for free! Business Associates Online gives Kansas business owners a free webpage to showcase all their business details, add your photos, logo, hours open, address, phone number etc.

Some of our ongoing Promotions for 2009


2  for 1 when you buy your first advertisement with us you get a second one free.        

 (that’s 16,000 Direct Mail ads for $1,000


Community organizations & Fundraisers get free front page announcements for their events.


New Businesses get front page announcement on the cover of both publications for 2 months with one weeks purchase.
(That’s 64,000 Direct Mail ads for 1,000)

I believe my services will be a great asset to your businesses success in these hard economic times.   

Thank you for taking the time to read my e mail and I hope you will give me a chance to earn your Trust and Friendship.

Kind Regards
Sergio Alvarez    

<a rel="nofollow" href="mailto:sa@businessassociatesonline.com">



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