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One-Liner Customer Service Laments

RichRich administrator Posts: 582 Site Admin
After pressing numbers and wasting away time trying to get something accomlished via phone have you ever found yourself cursing the company you`re calling under your breath?!Yes, they`re saving money on customer service, but they`re also losing future business to disenchanted customers right and left.On the expectation that the rumors are true that some "big companies" lurk here in our forums to learn about entrepreneurs, and also with the hope that SUNsters can provide superior customer service to the bigger companies out there, I thought I`d start this topic so you can provide your customer service one-liner laments (and any necessary explanation to go with it).Here`s one for starters:"I just want a human!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"This lament comes from an experience i had just yesterday while trying to call in a prescription to a local branch of my pharmacy while travelling in Scottsdale, Arizona. I was standing in the entryway of an IN `n OUT BURGER place pecking away with growing frustration as i was trying to actually talk to human being and kept getting routed through automated directories. I nearly threw my phone into the street. That`s when I heard myself yell, "I just want a human!!!" What`s your One-Liner Customer Service Lament?


  • patentandtrademarkpatentandtrademark subscriber Posts: 103
    I answer my own phone at my law office!
  • RichRich administrator Posts: 582 Site Admin
    here`s another one:"No, YOU pay the return shipping!!!!"ever had a product sent to you and it`s the wrong size or not what you wanted and they make you pay for the return shipping? what a missed opportunity! at that very moment, as the business who provided the product, you have a chance to create incredible loyalty - just by taking back the product at your own cost. 
  • jenidlgjenidlg subscriber Posts: 2
    I just want a human being....who can speal ENGLISH clearly.  Even HP has gone to outsourcing their customer service.  What I think is funny is when they answer and they are clearly not American and they give you a VERY American name like "Hi, my name is Jeff".    Yeah right. 
  • bertbert subscriber Posts: 12
    We do not outsource our customer service but our competition does.  We wanted our customers to deal with professional people that can get them up and shipping as quickly as possible.  Can you image having a customer shipping 1000 boxes per day with a problem?  For this reason we do not like to leave our customers on hold for extended periods, we just want to make things as efficient as possible and give them the right answer the first time. 
    Therefore we have done the following:  Our phone system answers the phone and you press a number to get to the right department.  At that point one of two things happen, you get a real live person or you go straight to voice mail if all lines are busy.  We tell our customers in the voice mail message that all calls left there are returned as quickly as we can and in the order of their call, not their voice mail.  In other words, it is like they were put on hold but we do not force them to listen to bad marketing or music.  Finally, we do what we say and we call them right back as soon as possible.  All calls received during normal business hours are returned the same day.  Most return calls are done within minutes after they are received.  When we see too many going to voice mail, we know it is time to hire more technicians.  Because there are so many other businesses that do not return voice mail calls as they should, our new customers are sometimes afraid we will not do as promised.  But once they have tried it, they like it because we do.
    This method has allowed us to be competitive without outsourcing and it makes our customer service something our customers appreciate.  I wish more companies would follow this model.  It is much better than throwing untrained people at the problem so all phone lines are answered.
    At least this is what works for us.bert2007-6-19 17:26:8
  • jenidlgjenidlg subscriber Posts: 2
    I think that is a good model.  As a consumer it is very frustrating to get an untrained person thrown at me.  I don`t think I would mind so much leaving a message like you said if I was confident my call would be returned quickly, although, that`s not often the case so I wonder how much business walks away when they don`t get through to a human right away.
  • jenidlgjenidlg subscriber Posts: 2
    I just remembered a particularly BAD experience with customer service and thought I`d share.  Once when shopping for a bike for our child, we visited a certain "Big Box" store.  We called for an associate to come and help us and answer some questions.  My final question was this.  "If we get it home and put it together and are not happy with it, can we bring it back?"  His reply was, "Of course, people bring these back all the time".  We did NOT buy our bike there. 
  • bertbert subscriber Posts: 12
    Just for clarity, the point of my posting about our way of handling calls avoids us hearing one-liner customer service laments from our customers.  I just forgot to say this in the close.  OK I am getting old...
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