Succeeding in Business and in Matrimony

RichRich administrator Posts: 582 Site Admin
edited November 2006 in Thought Leadership
Well, folks, I`m engaged! This is big and THRILLING news for me to share. As I mentioned to someone else today, I am experiencing that feeling I never thought I`d experience, which is, "you`ll just know." As powerful as that is, and as excited as I am, I know that I am also a maniacal entrepreneur. Here I`m asking you for your advice about how to create the right balance between entrepreneurial passion and a great relationship with a spouse. What works? What`s to avoid? Fellow community member, Eric, has already started in with his thoughts in a different thread and inspired me to create this thread as place where we can really dive in on this... (and, yes, humor is welcomed!).Thanks so much for your help, SUNsters! I`m gettin` maaarrried!!!!Rich
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  • theswaynestertheswaynester subscriber Posts: 15 Bronze Level Member
    Rich--Do you know how hosts like Letterman and Leno have that five-second delay when Chris Rock or Andrew Dice Clay comes on the show.Have you`re own mental five-second delay.When she asks you something, you click the mental delay button and listen to your answer.If it comes out bad.You bleep it out.It works!Anyways, man, the key is not to get all hung up about the couple thing. All the nightmare stories my "friends" had talked about over the years never came true. And, in fact, I have far more freedom and my life is far richer now than ever.
    (Seriously, though, get two TVs.)
    Sway
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  • stevesteve subscriber Posts: 14
    They say the first 100 years are the hardest. No, just kidding. Sway, where`d you hide that bleep button?

    So when`s the big day?
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  • RichRich administrator Posts: 582 Site Admin
    can i just go out to Staples and get an "Easy" button? will that help?
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  • auksauks subscriber Posts: 0
    Rich - Congratulations!
    Advice.....hmmmmm! Well, here goes.

    You need to start with a good BM!  
    And.....the BM needs to be solid......to come thru when you need the BM......basically a Super Bowl performer!
    Also, the BM can not steal the show.....but is merely a function of the big day!
    BMs can unexpectantly surprise you....but hopefully in a helpful kinda way.
    In short.....don`t rely on the BM as a long term solution for a great marriage but rather a nice healthy start. Then.....it is a good idea to regularly check on your BM......you don`t want your BM to just drop in on you all the time.
    Sincerely,
    DJA
    And for those of you who missed the thread.....I was Joel`s BM...that is Best Man at his and Suzanne`s wedding!! (Actually...Joel had two BMs...me another....leave it to Joel to outdo most Grooms.)
    You Go Rich!!
     
     
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  • stevesteve subscriber Posts: 14
    And for those of you who missed the thread.....I was Joel`s BM...that is Best Man
    at his and Suzanne`s wedding!! (Actually...Joel had two BMs...me
    another....leave it to Joel to outdo most Grooms.)Didn`t Joel
    have two ministers there too?     Never know when you might need a backup.

    So auks, were you the hysterically laughing BM?
    Steve2006-11-8 16:13:56
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  • auksauks subscriber Posts: 0
    I am the hysterical one! Let me explain.
    Minister #1 says "You may now kiss the bride"      Pause.......nothing happens.......and he says rather forcefully, under his breath "KISSSSS HERRRR!" Joel -"oh!" .....and does.....finally!
    I lost it!
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  • stevesteve subscriber Posts: 14
    I am the hysterical one! Let me explain.
    Minister #1 says "You may now kiss the
    bride"      Pause.......nothing
    happens.......and he says rather forcefully, under his breath "KISSSSS
    HERRRR!" Joel -"oh!" .....and does.....finally!
    I lost it!Maybe he fell asleep?
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  • stevesteve subscriber Posts: 14
    Bring the same passion for entrepreneurship that you have
    to your marriage, and it`ll ROCK !!!! (so to speak)Does that
    mean Rich should break everything down into 10 Steps?
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  • RichRich administrator Posts: 582 Site Admin
    steve, by gum, you`re onto something here.to your question, how about...The 10 Steps to Matrimonial Harmony for Maniacal Entrepreneurshave at it!
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  • zmanzman subscriber Posts: 1
    [/QUOTE]Does that mean Rich should break everything down into 10 Steps? [/QUOTE]
    Steve - you know what they say - a journey of a thousand miles begins with 10 single steps. (OK I improvised a little).
    Of course there`s always the 12-step approach - one day at a time. And focusing all your energy in the moment and taking life and love one day at a time ain`t the worst advice in the world either.
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  • CreativeGalCreativeGal subscriber Posts: 2
    Hey Rich,
    So great to hear about your fabulous news!  I`ve been happily married for over 6 years and have three points I always share with newly married or engaged couples:
    1)  Make sure you both have the same passions in life.  In your case, I`m assuming that one of your passions is Entrepreneurship.  Sharing a common passion in life can take you a long way.  In my case, I had to find someone that shared my passion for severe weather.  Most guys just wouldn`t understand dropping everything at 10 PM to go out driving to watch some incredible lightning for an hour or so on a work night.  (We did this countless times when we lived in Oklahoma)  Before I was married, I saw so many stormchaser men marry women that had no passion or even respect for what their guy loved.   Then they end up getting nagged all the time about something they love doing instead of sharing it with the most important person in their life!
    2) Remember, it`s never 50/50.  Some days you`ll feel like only giving 20, and she`ll give 110!  Other days, you`ll end up giving 99%, and realize she only giving 10%.  In the real world, we sometimes get sick, tired, grumpy, depressed, focused on something besides our spouse, etc.  Always shoot for excellence when it comes to being the best you can be to your mate.  However, don`t always let your feelings rule your marriage.  There may be days when you don`t like each other so much, but that is not what marriage is about.  COMMIT COMMIT COMMIT.
    So, when you go through rough patches, just remember that it`s not always fair, and allow your commitment to each other to carry you through those hard times.
    3) The day in all of my marriage that I felt most loved by my husband was the day I raised up in the bed as he was heading out for work and said, "I don`t feel so good", and proceed to puke all over myself and the bed. 
    Without missing a beat, he cleaned up me and the bed, and made sure I was resting comfortably before leaving for work.  That`s true love. 
    Forget flowers, love letters, and romantic dinners...clean up your wife`s puke and she`ll know that your love for her is true!
    CONGRATULATIONS RICH!!
    Creative GalCreativeGal2006-11-9 4:2:8
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  • yourNAMEinDotComyourNAMEinDotCom subscriber Posts: 17
    Wow, the community is giving some really good advice here.I`ve discovered that there are only two qualities that are aboslutely essential for any marriage to survive anything:CommunicationPatienceThere`s nothing more to it. You need to be able to communicate to her that you`re an entrepreneurial maniac and she needs to be patient. No seriously, though, that`s it. Communication and patience.
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  • GoldMountainMiningGoldMountainMining subscriber Posts: 4
    Well, a big MAZELTOV, Rich!

    My wife is also self-employed so we both live life from a creative
    orientation. But, no matter what we do as a profession, I have to say
    that in our four years of marriage, for me, it`s all been an exercise
    in humility.  My best friend`s grandfather, who died in his 90`s
    only days after his lifelong wife passed on, told us that the secret to
    a great marriage is ... that she is always right.   I can`t say that this advice has steered me wrong.
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  • RichRich administrator Posts: 582 Site Admin
    Wow! you are all so helpful!

    who`s going to brew up more "steps" to marital harmony for entrepreneurs?!

    GoldMountainMining, as i indicated in a recent new post, i`m in your neck of the woods on the day after thanksgiving. happy to meet up. (see the post).rich
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  • SolidGrndSolidGrnd subscriber Posts: 11
    Rich....what great news!!! I am soooo excited for you! I have to admit...my last six years of marriage have been rocky...at best...but I will be completely honest in saying I wouldn`t change it for anything! One thing I have figured out is that respect and communication are key. Even if the communication starts with a fight or argument...always make sure you take a few minutes...breath...and come back with an open mind and a willingness to resolve or compromise on the issue before putting it to rest. You will only end up fighting about it again later if you don`t come up with something the first time.
    Also...make sure that you all have lives beyond each other. Friends that you can lean on in tough times. Pals that you can grab a drink with when you need a break. "Til death do us part" is a VERY long time...and you should always make sure that BOTH of you have your own space and your own time for yourselves.
    As for mixing it with your love for business! I would have to say that I hope she knows this about you before she accepted the ring!? Otherwise you may want to mention it before the wedding. It seems to me though...if she said yes...she is probably fully aware of your entrepreneurial desires. She is probably fully aware that this is part of who you are...and it may even be one of the reasons she loves you so much. My suggestion...sit down and talk to her about it. It is nice that you are seeking advice (and I am really glad you shared the news with all of us)...but I think this is something you should really discuss with her. Get her feelings, views, concerns out on the table. Let her know that you care enough to really take her feelings into consideration regarding your entrepreneurial ventures and desires. I am sure...if you open those lines of communication now...and keep them open...you will both be very content with each turn of the pages in your new life together!
    Many MANY warm wishes and happy thoughts!
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