Comment on my web pitch

TerryE

Good afternoon --
I am starting a small business targeted to individuals starting a small business or individuals seeking to expand an existing business.  I am a research librarian by training and have built a website and purchased some datasets to generate ring studies, demographic and income profiles and determine traffic count data and patterns.  My question is how to get the information in front of the right small businesses?  Below is the pitch from my website:Have you been thinking of starting a small business or expanding an
existing one? Do you know your market or target audience but don`t know
where the best location is? Are you torn between multiple locations and
need information to determine the best location?Although there is no guarantee that a business will succeed for
fail, having the best available information at your fingertips gives
you the advantage that others may lack. In these tough economic times,
it is essential to know who your customers are, where they are
geographically located and most important of all, who are your
competitors.Consider the following questions in evaluating a retail location:1. Is your facility located in an area zoned for that type of
business and is your business in the appropriate land use category?
There IS a difference between these two items.2. Is the location convenient to where you live and is it convenient to where your workers live?3. Is your customer base in close proximity to your potential site? Is there sufficient demographic demand for your services?4. If you are at a distance from your potential customer base, can
you afford the additional cost of advertising in attracting them? Does
your location have prohibitions of zoning restrictions on the size,
type and location of outdoor advertising?5. Are there other businesses in the neighborhood that may attract customers to your business?6. Do you know where your competitors are located, how long they have been in business?7. Is the facility easily accessible to your customers, do the roads
provide a high volume of traffic, are there any major roadway
improvements planned in the next five years that may negatively impact
your business?8. Is the area served by public transportation?9. Are there major residential developments planned in the near future of which you could capitalize upon?10. Do you have a timeline when you want to open your business?If you had trouble answering any of the above questions, Places that
Work can help. We are experts at locating the right information at the
right price. We provide a tiered approach to demographic and site
analysis. We work with you in identifying YOUR needs and provide the
best available data to assist you in succeeding.If you would like more information or assistance, contact us for a free consultation.
Thank you for any comments or constructive criticism you can provide.
Terry
www.placesthatwork.com

Matt2009

Yeh Terry, I have to agree with Craig. Try to be quick and to the point on what value your service can provide to them. Remember that they will probably have a short attention span so slap them with something attention grabbing in the beginning so that they`re with you the entire way.