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Does my copy do what I hope it does? need advice

GrillCharmerGrillCharmer subscriber Posts: 7
edited April 2007 in Website Critique
I finally have a "real" website and now need the help of the experts.  (Ya`ll)  I wrote all of the text so that is what I want to focus on, as the look of the website if very much in keeping with my brand, packaging etc.. but all comments about all aspects of the site are very much appreciated.  Just to give you some background, the product is a patent pending "invention" so because nobody has ever heard of this product, I need for the website to very clearly convey what it is and what it does.  I need for the viewer to "get it".  Does my website do that for me?  This website is very much a work in progress as I don`t have my final investment cast samples from the factory yet, so the majority of the photos are stock photos used as filler until I have a full product shoot.  Keeping that in mind, does the text and the website in general "work" especially once the stock photos are replaced with the product "in action".   Right now it is more of a brochure type site, but when I launch this summer, the site will have e-commerce cap.  Please click below and thank you so very much for your time,  I know it is valuable and greatly appreciated! GrillCharmer2007-4-5 15:49:22
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Comments

  • vwebworldvwebworld subscriber Posts: 40
    Leslie,
    Re: the text content...
    First, while the block of text on the home page is not overly large, it would be easier to read if the large paragraph were broken up into a couple or more paragraphs. Website viewers initially "scan" pages rather than reading them. So to effectively communicate your message, you should present your content so it is easily scanned. Your bulleted content on the bottom half of the page is a good example of content that is easily scanned.
    Not sure if I fit your target market, because I had no idea what wine charms were (until I did a search). Also, I`m not sure if comparing your product to another "charm" application is a good idea or not. ... So Initially, I did not "get it". If the website viewer knows what wine charms are - and the "benefits" of them - then your comparison helps. If not, it just confuses your marketing message.
    The first two impressions  I got from reading your text were:-The charms are used to somehow cook the meat better.-The charms were used to identify respective pieces of meat.
    On your "shop" page... you say "will be sold" (future tense). I understnad this may make sence now becuase the product is not available. But,  whe the product is available... you need to change that text to the present tense. I also suggest that instead of "mushing" (a technical writing term) into one paragraph, you have a paragraph describing each set and future sets (coming soon).
    ~Roland
     
     
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  • GrillCharmerGrillCharmer subscriber Posts: 7
    Thank you all so much!  Keep em coming!  I`ll get right on those changes
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  • DesignGuruDesignGuru subscriber Posts: 0
    Grillcharmer I like the overall feel of your website. The text is clear and to me gets your point across well.(i already knew what wine charms were). I agree that you sould remove all of the TM`s and the patent pending on the home page. I know this is important to a new product but it kindive invades the smooth feel of your text. I do think the line height needs to be farther apart as well so it is easily readable by everyone (I had no problem with it but some people will).
    Im not a big fan of the colors but I think it goes well with your logo. I actually disagree with Campsteve on the orange "shop online" button at the bottom of the home page. This really stands out to me and draws my attention because it is vertical and everything else is horizantal, and Im sure you want your selling of your product to stand out.
    I noticed your site was done in CSS and has a real clean feel overall....GOOD JOB!!!!!!!
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  • GrillCharmerGrillCharmer subscriber Posts: 7
    Thank you DesignGuru, "clean" was actually one of the feelings I was going for.  Steve, I understand what you mean and I will work on that as well.  I`m so glad to have such fantastic resources at my disposal. My knowledge of web design is close to nill so the more input I get the more I understand the psychology of it all.  THANK YOU!
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  • GrillCharmerGrillCharmer subscriber Posts: 7
    Holy Moley Craig!!!  How much do I owe ya??!!!  That is AWESOME!  Have I said lately... I LOVE THIS FORUM!!!  Craig, I can`t thank you enough!  I`m collecting all these fabulous reviews and will submit them all in about a week to my web guy (another wonderful SuN member)  I loved my website before and love the look, but I did feel like the text needed help (my fault)   I know that with the above improvements I will love my text as much as I love my site.  Thank you all so much!  I`ll be making the changes soon, keep the comments coming if you`ve got em!
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  • InactiveMemberInactiveMember subscriber Posts: 12
    Read this article I wrote about copywriting.
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  • GrillCharmerGrillCharmer subscriber Posts: 7
    Thanks CookieMonster!  I`ll most certainly read that when I have a sec.  Thank you!
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  • GrillCharmerGrillCharmer subscriber Posts: 7
    Hello there TheBagHitch!  Yes, I complete agree with and I do plan on having "The Steak Collection" as that is the only meat that warrants the rare etc...  I plan on launching 2 new collections per year every year (and I have about 50 years in my head right now, so that might be ramped up)  Right now all the photos on the site are just stock photos off the web execpt the 1 shot of my prototypes.  Once I have my "real" samples I will have a full photo shoot and the pics will tell the story.  I agree that the pictures of the product in use are VITAL!  I am compiling all of these fantastic comments and suggestions so once I have my pictures I can do 1 big ol`update and then of course, ask for another round of comments.  I am so lucky to have such a great resource in the minds of the SuN community.  THANK YOU!
     
    Greg, good to see you over here!  Thanks for stopping by  My MSRP is $19.95  for a Collection of 6 solid stainless Steel Charms.   Thank you for the encouragement and I can`t wait to have you as a happy customer!
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  • storybookstudiostorybookstudio subscriber Posts: 7
    Looks fantastic, Leslie! I don`t think I have anything to add.
    Job "Well-Done"...he he he (couldn`t resist).
     
     
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  • InactiveMemberInactiveMember subscriber Posts: 12
    Greg, I really loved your web site.
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  • GrillCharmerGrillCharmer subscriber Posts: 7
    Ha!  Thanks Melissa!!!!  It is "rare" to find a site that doesn`t need anything
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  • GrillCharmerGrillCharmer subscriber Posts: 7
    Hey Greg!  Monopoly huh?? Good one!!!  Thanks so much for the the suggestion!  I will totally keep you posted.  Right this very second I am having an email "conversation" with my sourcing agent about the manufacturing and there`s a small bump in the road, but such is the life of an inventor huh?  I am still scheduled for a summer release of collections 1 and 2 so I`ll keep you posted!
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  • svalexissvalexis subscriber Posts: 0
    I think this is a wonderful idea for people with food allergies.   You might want to market this to people with celiac disease and families with autistic children.  Some places to start would be www.foodallergy.org</A>.   Also you need to change groomsman to groomsmen and on your shop online page change forth to fourth.
     
    Suzanne
    www.elegantwritings.com</A>
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  • GrillCharmerGrillCharmer subscriber Posts: 7
    Thank you Suzanne!  Great ideas!  (and thanks for the spelling correction, I`m horrible at that kind of stuff!)
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  • InactiveMemberInactiveMember subscriber Posts: 12
    Does creativelyse mean "creative + analyse" or "creative + lyse" where "lyse" = cell destruction? Just curious.
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